i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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