It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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