If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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