I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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