I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
