yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
