She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
