i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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