I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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