Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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