I think I won the penis lottery.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
