you guys were way drunker than both of me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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