No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
