If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
