I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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