I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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