Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
