1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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