May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
