when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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