sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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