I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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