We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
