i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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