I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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