The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
