Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
