I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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