Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.