My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.