I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My vagina is very pro this idea