Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.