dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.