yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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