My Higher Power is John Stamos
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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