sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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