genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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