Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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