forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
