even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
