I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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