nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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