I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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