My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
