you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
