somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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