Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
