Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
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He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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