I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
