I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
