I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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