My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
