i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
