Already got asked if we're dating
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
