A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
