apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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