your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
