You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
