Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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