my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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