My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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