"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
